I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
