Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
