I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
