Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
