We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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