I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
