we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
