If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
