nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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