I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize