i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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