i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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