How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
