Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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