Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
