he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
