Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
be right there i have to get my cape
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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