my being single is dangerous.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
