I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
