My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
