I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize