Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
