By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
are you so shy because you have an std?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
