this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
