pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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