I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
either way he was missing a nipple.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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