Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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