Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
