If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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