I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
