I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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