My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
