Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Randomize