hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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