I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
