i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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