I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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