Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
