i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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