I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
