the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
