Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
