so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
