My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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