i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
