obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
