i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
