i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
