Swine flu. Run for my life!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
