i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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