sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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