i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
