I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
