If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
