I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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