i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
