I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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