I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
