i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i already hear my dad disowning me
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
