It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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