Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
