Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
