Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
