god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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