I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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