I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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