Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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