Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
