idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
