how can u be prego again
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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