Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
