you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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