woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
