Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
im six kinds of drunk right now
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
