to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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