So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
