I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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