how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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