Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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