i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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