we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
