I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
