I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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