I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
