Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
