sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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