I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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