remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Randomize
