do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
