wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
