i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
