____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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