He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
