How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
