could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
