I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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