I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
