I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
