the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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