Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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