oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
