Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
