I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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